Holy Is the Minimum (For the Ladies)

By: Monique Smith

    August 2008 was the month & year when I broke up with my last boyfriend.  So you guessed it…since then I had been single until March of this year.  That’s when the man I’ve been patiently waiting for asked my DADDY (the natural one and the spiritual one) permission to begin dating me.  I like to include that seemingly minute detail because having someone ask my Daddy to date me was on my “I wish that would happen to me, but probably never will ‘cause people don’t do stuff like that no more” list.  And then, God did what He does best, and granted the desire of my heart.

    Okay, so the point of this devotional is to share with y’all the list I made before I started my relationship with Juan. During the summer of 2012, I heard a sermon from First Lady Lashawn Thompson of World Overcomers Christian church about knowing what you want and not making compromises. I believe somewhere in her sermon she told the single ladies to make a list (if she didn’t say it, I heard it somewhere). At any rate, I made the below list.  In my phone, I titled it “Dream Guy” because these were the characteristics I wanted to see in whoever I would date next and I was NOT willing to compromise on any of them. At first, this list was hard to make because as you see, it is LONG and I knew I would probably be waiting a long time for God to prepare this gentleman…..but I realized my value was much more than dating someone who only met half of my standards, so I was up for the wait!

Leader

Committed to God
Romantic
Funny
Loving
Passionate
Takes initiative
Attractive/ Fine
Motivator
Balanced optimistic
A good listener
Caring
Trustworthy
Critical thinker
A willing potential father
Consistent
Dependable
Committed
Logical
A good driver
Financially savvy
Repenter
Musically inclined
Athletic/ like to play sports
Protector
Encourager
A friend
Bold
A family man
Educated
Sense of humor
Has a heart for the youth
Passion for ministry
Tall/taller than me
Sweet
Loves my family and blends well
God fearing
Mature
Wise
Strict on sin
Well tempered/ balanced
Excitable
Strong spirit
Conviction guides him
Virgin/practicing abstinence
Dress well/swag

    After I made my list over the summer, I didn’t go back to the list to remove things. I just left it alone. Of course with my eyes, I saw some cute dudes that I could have easily dated, but they did not meet 100% of the characteristics on my list.  I’m telling y’all, when you make your list DON’T compromise. Do not remove things to make your list fit the guy you like, your guy is supposed to fit your desires. I know many ladies like to get in the business of “fixing” dudes, but let that stuff go! Only God can change him boo! #REALTALK.  

    Anyways, during the Fall of 2012, I continued to enjoy my singleness. I wasn’t focused on any dudes at all. Of course, Juan was around. We would talk often and hang out, but I worked real hard at keeping him in the friend zone and not trying to magically make him my boyfriend in my head. Y’all know stuff like that is easy especially if you’re spending time with a dude often. So I had to pray against the foolishness of my mind to nip that in the bud before it started. So as I said, I was just enjoying my singleness….which is a whole ‘nother devotional in itself because that took a WHILE to get to that point. I admit, I used to be that girl praying day and night for God to send her a boyfriend because I didn’t “deserve” to be single and I had already “fixed” everything that was wrong with myself and I was ready to date…..smh…foolishness I told myself. Thank the Lord He knows me better!

    So long story short, in March Juan asked me to date him. (Quick background- We’ve been friends since Summer of 2007). After he asked me, I went home and the Holy Spirit reminded me of the list I made. I went through every characteristic to see if he truly matched up with everything on my list….and guess what, he did! So that is how this relationship that I’m in came to be. NOW, you must remember, after I made this list and asked God to grant me the desires of my heart, I was not out living a life contrary to the Word. God doesn’t bless disobedience. So If I wanted God to bless me, the LEAST I could do was to live a life pleasing to Him! I continued to live a holy lifestyle, seeking direction from God daily, and living on purpose. When God saw fit to bless me with a relationship, that’s when it happened.

    So to my single ladies, stay encouraged and wait patiently WHILE living on purpose!  : ) Blessings chicas! Love y’all!